I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
