I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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