Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
