Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
