thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
