we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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