you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
