can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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