One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
