Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
