We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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