genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
