I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
