He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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