your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
