Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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