I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
