Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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