yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
