what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
