things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
