Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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