just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
