I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
