my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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