you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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