I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Never joke about your clitoris.
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