My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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