U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
