dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
