im having a threesome with these popsicles
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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