I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
