I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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