I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
