Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
