She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
