was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
