my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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