I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
