theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
