When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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