i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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