dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
