why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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