YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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