I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
