can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are my feet made of real feet?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
