He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
