i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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