he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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