some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
