she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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