considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I intend to get homeless drunk
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
